Real News Headlines 13

Here are a few genuine news bloopers gleaned from American newspapers.
These were taken from an article by Richard Lederer, author of "Anguished English".
On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks go out to those sending flowers, cards and contributing to the death of her husband.
The airplane was only a few feet from the ground when it crashed, witnesses said.
With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim.
A purple lady's bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently.
Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governor's task force on driving while intoxicated.
He hasn't even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.
Montreal police don't hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold.
A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday.

Sodom Village Gone

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
February 1, 1993: The Associated Press reported that the village of Sodom, Conn., disappeared, like its biblical namesake. Though it appears on maps, the AP writer interviewed residents of Sodom Road and the Sodom Corner intersection, both hallmarks of the village of Sodom, and discovered that everyone claims now to live in North Canaan.

Hilarious Signs

• Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
• On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
• On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
• Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
• Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
• In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
• Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"
• On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
• In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
• On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
• At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."