We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Giuseppi Knows All?

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?" Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?" He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen." A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?" Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?" He says, "Hah! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen." A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi . . . you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?" He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?" The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."

Redneck Railroad

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck, are all sitting down to lunch. The Chinese man says, "If I get another egg roll in my lunch, I'll kill myself." The Italian guy says, "If I get another slice of pizza, I'll kill myself." The redneck says, "Iffin I get another ham hock, I'll kill myself." The next day, all three men get the same lunches, so they throw themselves in front of an oncoming train. At the funeral the Chinese man's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed an egg roll that day." The Italian guy's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed a slice of pizza that day." "Don't look at me," says the redneck's wife. "He done packed his own vittles."

A Girl Sat Sobbing in the Police Station

A girl sat sobbing in the police station. "I was raped by an Italian." She wailed. "How do you know it was an Italian?" The detective asked."I had to help him," the girl replied.

Italian Wedding Night Tradition

As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama." Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!" Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!" Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!" Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol -- this is a job for Mama!"

Italian Chef

Q: Have you guys ever heard of the Italian chef?

A: He pasta way..... we cannoli do so much, he was here today and gone tomato.