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The best jokes and joke writers!

Irish Math

There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the matter.1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is. 2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you know what 2 plus 2 is? 3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps? 1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you Pat, do you know? 4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?! 4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from Wednesday!

Irish Jobs

Q: Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job.

A: One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"

Such A Deal

Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have ... Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."

Irishmen Bungie Jumping

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat's Dem." The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help. "Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick, "Put dem in a pepper bag." The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick's van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop.
"Dis looks loike a grand place," says Mick. He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a loud "Splat!" As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head. "Focket Dat," Paddy says, "dis budgie jumpin'' is too dangerous for me..." A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepper bag.' Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun. "Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until he joins Sean's mashed remains at the bottom of the cliff. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An oim never troyin' that parrotshooting oider..."
After a few minutes, Danny strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag.' Danny pulls a chicken out of the bag. He puts the chicken above his head, holds its legs and launches himself off the cliff with the same result. Once more Paddy shakes his head. "For me life Danny, first der was Sean wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you fockin' hengliding..."

St. Patrick's Day Joke

Two Irish guys walk out of a bar...