Shark Week - Father Knows Best

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sinking ship. " Follow me son," the father shark said and they swam to the mass of people. " First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing " And they did. " Well done, son!  Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing " And they did. " Now we eat everybody." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!"

Crash Landing

Elle McPherson, Cindy Crawford, and Naomi Campbell are going by air to a photo shoot. Halfway through the flight the plane had engine trouble, the pilot warned the girls to assume the crash position, just in case they went down. Elle put on more make-up saying, "They always rescued the beautiful ones first.' Cindy donned her jewelery claiming, "They would rescue the richest one first," upon which Naomi, threw off all her clothes, pressing herself against the window saying, "You're both wrong, the first thing they look for is the Black Box"!

Sharpton Wash

Returning from his emergency meeting with the Oscar nominations, Al Sharpton stopped at his local Sears store to purchase a new washing machine.  As he looked at the display models he realized that nearly all of them were white.  He began to complain and the clerk called the store manager. "What's the problem here, Reverend?" Sharpton pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that most of them were white.
The manager replied, "Well Reverend, it's true that most of the washing machines are white, but if you'll open the lids, you'll see that all the agitators are black."