Had it All

I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.  He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."  I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"  "Oh no, nothing like that," he said.   "No, no.... I was paroled."

Bar Association Meeting

Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers

Spotting a Lawyer

Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.  Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.  As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.  One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"  The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."  Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."  The other says, "A lawyer?  How do you know that?"  The first says, "That's easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."