Wife Buried Her Husband

An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"

Marriage Expectations

A man marries a woman, expecting she will never change, and she does. A woman marries a man expecting he WILL change, and he doesn't.

Changed my Life

 I've lived like a NUN since I got married.
NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, NUN in the evening, NUN whatsoever!