Relationship Jokes - Man Criticizes Woman

John looked up to see his mother-in-law walking toward the front door carrying a broom. "Tell me," he said to her, "are you going to clean house with it or fly away on it?"

First man: How'd you get that black eye?

Second man: I called some woman a two-bit whore.

First man: She punched you?

Second man: Nope. She hit me with her bag of quarters.

A little old lady comes into the kitchen to talk to her husband and says, "Honey just look at me. My legs are heavy, thighs are getting big, and boobs are sagging. I could really use a compliment right about now." The husband replied, "You have really good eye - sight!"

Seminars for Females (Prepared and presented by Males)

1. Elementary map reading

2. Crying and law enforcement

3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR

4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours

5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast.

6. PMS: It's your problem, not mine ("It's happened monthly since puberty-deal with it.")

7. Driving I. Getting past automatic transmissions

8. Driving II. The meaning of blinking orange lights

9. Driving III. Approximating a constant speed

10. Driving IV. Makeup and Driving; it's as simple as oil and water

11. Football: Not a game; a sacrament

12. Telephone Translations (Formerly titled, "Me too" equals "I love you")

13. How to earn your own money

14. Gift giving fundamentals (Formerly titled, "Fabric bad, electronics good")

15. Putting the seat down by yourself: Potential energy is on your side

16. Beyond "Clean and Dirty" - The nuances of wearable laundry

17. Yes, you can fill up at a self service station

18. Joys of the remote control; Reaping the benefits of 50 channels

19. What comes around, goes around: Why his credit card is not a toy

20. His best friend can be yours too

21. His poker games: Deal yourself out

22. Commitment Schmittment (Formerly titled, "Wedlock Schmedlock")

23. To honor and obey: Remembering the small print above "I do"

24. Why your mother is unwelcome in the house

25. Your mate: selfish bastard, or victimized sensitive man?

Q: Why do you call a womens monthly pain a period?

A: Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.