Best and Brightest

One day Obama was visiting the queen of England. He asked her how she ran such an efficient government. She said, "I only surround myself with intelligent people, watch this" and she called in England's prime minister, David Cameron. She asked him, "If your parents had a child that is not your brother or sister, then who is it?" David replied, "Well, it would have to be me." The queen was very pleased and Obama was very impressed. Out of curiosity when he returned home, he asked Joe Biden the same question, "If your parents have a child that isn't your brother or sister, then who is it?" Biden thought long and hard. "Let me get back to you on that Mr.President." So Biden spends the entire day thinking and researching the question. He runs into former president George Bush and asked him the same question. "George, if your parents had a child that wasn't your brother or sister, then who would it be?" George Bush replied, "Well, it would be me". So Biden runs back to the white house to tell Obama. He said, "I figured it out, it would be George Bush!" Obama replied, "No you dumbfuck, it would be David Cameron"

Bernie's Team

Q: What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?
A: Mom & Dad

AOC back to School

Embarrassed NY voters demanded that Ocasio-Cortez go back to school to fix her misguided statements about causality.  For example, getting rid of all matches will not improve long term climate issues. She was tasked by professors to study how frogs respond to commands. She tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. She writes in her log book, frog jumps 30 feet. Then she cuts off one leg. She gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet. She cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. She records it in log book. Then she cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. She writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet. Finally, she cuts off the last leg and commands the frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch. So the AOC writes in her book, "Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!" And she's still our congress woman. Lord help us.