George W - College Days
George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisers, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems. "Dubya," said his PR guy, "We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college." "It's true," replied Bush, "but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose."
Rand Paul Cravings
Q: What's Rand Paul's new favorite food?
A: Spare Ribs.
Democrats versus Republicans
1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.
3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.
4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.
5. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.
6. Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.
7. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.
8. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.
9. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.
10. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.
11. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.
12. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.
14. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
15. Republicans sleep in twin beds-- some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.
Where's my Card?
Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminating white men have?
The Trump card.
Q: Will Donald Trump's plan to finish building the wall on the Mexico boarder work?
A: It did for the Chinese, they have almost no Mexicans in their country.