Growing Older

Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. The third one said, "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."

Definition of a Successful Date

Age - Definition of successful date
17  -"Burger King"
25  -"Free meal"
35 - "A diamond"
48 - "A bigger diamond"
66 - "Home Alone"

It Needs to be Ironed

Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run naked past Jim & Tom's room. Later that night they did just that. Jim looked at Tom and said, "Did you see that? What in the hell were Nancy & Betty wearing?" "I don't know, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing."