Old Man's Miracle

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.

Elderly Couple

An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said, "I should tell you I have acute angina."
The old man says, "I hope so, you sure don't have cute tits."

Ride Home

This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he'll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says "You're a pretty good looking old broad. I'll pay you ten bucks for a piece of ass."
She says "What???!!!" But then thinks that the old age check isn't due for 5 more days, so she agrees.
They are lying on the bed after it's over having the usual smoke, and he says to her "Geez if I had known that you were a virgin I would have offered you $20.00!"
She looks back at him and says "If I had know you could get it up I would have taken off my pantyhose!"