Woman After A Face Lift

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, ''I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?'' ''About 35,'' he replied. ''I'm actually 47,'' the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, ''Oh, you look about 29.'' ''I am actually 47!'' she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, ''I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age.'' There was no one around, so the woman said, ''What the hell?'' and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, ''OK, You are 47.''
Stunned, the woman said, ''That was brilliant! How did you do that?'' The old man replied, ''I was behind you in line at McDonald's.''

So Old

Your so old you have to put your d*ck in the freezer to get it hard.

Elderly romance

There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, "For five dollars, I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll never forget." The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, "So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?" The woman replies, "No, I want four times in the rocker."