Where is the Accountant?

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.  His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."

Short Term Job

I had a job once, it lasted a month. I finally called the boss and said, "I can't come in for a few days." He said, "What's the matter, you sick?" I said, " No, I just have to wait until this thought of wanting to kill you goes away."

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard IX

Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.