Polish Army on Horseback
Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
A: Turn off the carousel.
Q: What do you call a communist sniper?
A: A Marxman.
Clinton Strikes Again
The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog.
Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.
The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, "Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine." "Well? What did he want to do?" they all asked. She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blow job would be $75, but he did not have that much either. Finally I said, 'Well how much do you have?' The marine said he only had $25. So, I told him, 'For $25, all I can give you is a hand job.' He agreed and after getting the finances straight, he pulled it out. I put one hand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one." She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues, "Then I put the first hand above the second hand..." "Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge! Then what did you do?" "I loaned him $75!"
What Do Israeli Soldiers Do When They Get Bored?
Q: What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored?
A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.