Tourist In London
An American walking through the streets of London, passed under Canary Wharf (London's biggest building). As he stood there looking up, a kid joined him. After a while, the American turned to the kid and said, "Do you realize, son, that we have buildings like that in the States, only they're three times the size?" "I'm not surprised," said the kid. "That's a Lunatic Asylum!"
Insect Falls Into a Beer
An insect falls into a mug of beer.
English Man: Throws his mug of beer on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks the beer.
Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws away the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer.
Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.
Canadian Light Bulb
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they get an American to do it since they are so damned proud they know how to do it.
A Fly in My Beer!
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling... "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
Lack Of Meat In Poland
A Journalist has to write a story on the lack of meat in Poland. So he goes off to Poland and asks the people: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Poles reply: "Meat? What is meat?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in Poland he goes to the USSR and asks the Soviets: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Soviets reply: "Think? What is think?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USSR he goes to the USA and asks the Americans: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" All the Americans reply: "Lack? What is lack?" Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USA he decides to go to Israel, and asks the Israelis: "Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat in Poland?" To which all the Israelis reply: "Excuse me? What is excuse me?"