Texan, Russian, New Yorker Out to Eat

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. "Excuse me, but if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease," says the waiter. The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"

Settle the Dispute

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and punched him as hard as he could in the nose. The Englishman fell to the ground and was howling in agony and holding his nose for thirty minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to punch you."
The Scotsman said, "Keep the lousy egg."

Chinese Laundry

This guy is walking through Chinatown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry". "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?". So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner.. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?". The old man answers
"Is name of owner." The visitor asks
"Well, who in the heck is the owner?".
"I am he", answers the old man.
"You? How in the heck did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" The old man replies,
"Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go 'What your name? He say Hans Olaffsen. She look at me... What your name? I say Sam Ting."