Don't Stand Up!

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went up to Cedar Point on the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes." "What did it say?" "Don't stand up in the car!"

You need an operation!

A lady says to her doctor, "My husband has been complaining that my vagina has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff and I don't smell anything. "The doctor examines her and then says, "You need an operation."  She asks, "On my vagina?"  He says, "No. On your nose!"

Snack Coins

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse replied, "No change yet!"