Kanye the Intellectual

Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books.
Which I get because I am an athlete that rarely moves.

Snoop Dogg and the Umbrella

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
A: For drizzle!

Tiger's Mercedes

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky in his new Mercedes. He stopped at a small gas station and asked the mechanic if he could get his oil changed. "Why sure," the mechanic said, not seeming to recognize the golf star. About thirty minutes later the oil change is complete. As Tiger started to back the car out, the mechanic noticed some buttons on the dashboard and asked Tiger what they were for. Tiger looked down at the tees on his dash and says, "Those are what I set my balls on." The old man replied, "Boy oh Boy, those Germans think of everything, don't they!"