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The best jokes and joke writers!

Major Seventh

Q: What is the definition of a major seventh?

A: A violist playing octaves.

Go Big

Just attempted to beat the record for the biggest piece of glass ever blown.

Smashed it.

Accordion Jokes

Q: What is the definition of an optimist?

A: An accordion player with a pager.

Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?

A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive?

A: Their personalities.

Q: What's the range of an accordion?

A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

Q: What's a gentleman?

A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Q: What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?

A: Terrorists have sympathisers.

Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?

A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina?

A: The accordion takes longer to burn.

Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?

A: Hide it in an accordion case.

Q: What's an accordion good for?

A: Learning how to fold a map.

Q: What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?

A: A chainsaw can be tuned.

Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses?

A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

Oboes

Q: What are oboes good for?

A: Kindling when burning basoons.

Perfect Pitch

Q: How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

A: He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.