Top Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!

Biker Hero

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her before the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has witnessed the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
"Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this on the front page. What motorcycle do you ride and what political affiliation do you have?"
"A Harley Davidson, and I am a Republican." The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the New York Times and reads, on the front page:
*REPUBLICAN BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

Hum and Drop

Q: What kind of bees hum and drop things?
A: A fumble bee!