Old School Friend

I saw an old school friend today and he started bragging about his well paid job, his flashy expensive car and his enormous house. Then he took a photo out of his wallet, showed it to me and said, "That's my wife, isn't she beautiful?"
I looked it at and said, "If you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife." He said, "Why, is she a stunner?” I said, "No, she's a fucking optometrist!"

Poker Game

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife." "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."

Sharing The Remote

You might be a redneck if an intimate evening at home consists of sharing the remote.