Old Never Dies 4

OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling
OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off
OLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires
OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away
OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away
OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures
OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print
OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter
OLD BRAKES never die, they just grind down
OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just lose their finesse
OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just sit around on their fat aces
OLD BUDGETS never die, they are filibustered
OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away
OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away
OLD BUSINESSES never die, they just get consolidated

C-Nile Virus

C-Nile is the latest in a string of nasty 'zero day' viruses that are able to bypass even the best scanners from Norton and McAfee.  It uses birth data from recent Target and Home Depot data breaches and focuses on people born prior to 1965.
Symptoms to watch for:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to forward it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit “SEND” before you've finished. 
7. Causes you to hit “DELETE” instead of “SEND”.
8. Causes you to hit “SEND” when you should “DELETE.”
Yup, it's called the “C-NILE VIRUS.” There is no known fix for this virus.
Hmmm…..have I sent this to you already, or did you just send it to me?

Nearsightedness

I think my wife is getting a little nearsighted. I woke up this morning, she was sucking on the bedpost.