Water Closet

My Uncle came out of the closet today.
He's not gay. He has Alzheimer's and thought it was the toilet.

Old Cuss

Q: How do you get a room full of old ladies to cuss at the same time?
A: Have one of them yell, 'Bingo'!

Road Rage

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man was a real smart aleck and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young and bright." Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?" The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"