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The best jokes and joke writers!

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The Teacher fainted.

Little Johnny at Sunday School

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though he was ill, and asked, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife!"

Little Johnny - Stupid

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

Billy's Father and His Mystery Occupation

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"  Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."  "That's wonderful.  How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."  "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher.  "What about your father, Billy?"  Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."  The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day, she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.  Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Who signed the Declaration of Independence?

A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?" He said, "Damn if I know." She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son,sat in the back of the room to observe. She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"  "Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know." The father jumped up in the back ,pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that damn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"