Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says, "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny."
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered her name and little Johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said "Miss Crunt?"
Little Johnny and the Teacher
One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class, "What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?" Two children raised their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him, she chose little Mary. "I think your heart goes first because, that's were your emotions of love are." "Very interesting," replied the teacher. Seeing no one else had their hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him. "I think your feet go up first." Confused, but relieved, the teacher said, "Why is that?" Johnny replied, "Once when I walked in my parents room I saw my dad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying, "Oh God!"
First Grade Concert
The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is relieved when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her prettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause. Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience. Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce's farm. Here is the first, 'JOHNNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!'"
Little Johnny's John Wayne
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, "it taught those Indians not to fuck with John Wayne."