Can You Read This

A young woman, two months pregnant, went to see her obstetrician. He was in a hurry to leave on an emergency call, so he asked her to quickly bare her stomach, then reached into his desk and took out a rubber stamp, which he pressed beside her navel. He then rushed off. At home, she and her husband tried to read the tiny words printed on her belly, but they were too small. They then found a magnifying glass and tried to read the words; the stamp read: "When your husband can read this without his glasses, it's time to get yourself to the hospital!"

Pregnancy Causes What?

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?  
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

UPS Delivery

Q: What did the pregnant UPS worker say to her boss?
A: I have to deliver a baby.