Elderly Couple

An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, "We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together." Betsy: "Whose house would we live in?" Elmer: "Mine, it is already paid for." Betsy: "Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on?" Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine." Betsy: "Who would do the cooking?" Elmer: "You cook and I'll do the dishes." Betsy: "What about sex?" Elmer: "Infrequently." Betsy: "Is that one word, or two?"

What Grandma's Done

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."

Old Beach Babe

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"