You're In Big Trouble

I just knew I was in big trouble at work when: 

• The new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.
• The Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area.
• My assistant began responding to my memos with, "Yeah, whatever."
• I got a "It's for you loser" wav receiving e-mail, and not a chime.
• My new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-16 last weekend.
• The Human Resources Department requested an update of my arrest record.
• The Boss asked if I still had a copy of my 5 year contract.
• I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I arrived at work.
• My parking spot was relocated next to the dumpster.
• My secretary says things like "Get the phone, my nails aren't dry."
• Three people began helping me write a "desk manual" for my job.
• The LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10 minutes.
• A large paper recycling box was placed next to my file cabinets.
• The receptionist began saying "Who?" to anyone calling on me. 

Copy Machine Handout

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet;
The copier is out of order! Yes, we have called the service man. Yes, he will be in today. No, we cannot fix it. No, we do not know how long it will take. No, we do not know what caused it. No, we do not know who broke it. Yes, we are keeping it. No, we do not know what you are going to do now.
Thank You

The Last Day Working

"You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When......"You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, "What's this?", you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox.
A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, "I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one's your turn". Your boss is standing behind you. It's his wife.
While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.
You return from a week's vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.
You take a "sick" day. The next morning the boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?" You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. You're in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.