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The best jokes and joke writers!

Tree Talk

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Birdie Poem

Birdie, birdie in the sky

Dropped some white stuff in my eye

I'm a big girl I won't cry

I'm just glad that cows don't fly

Clothing State

What kind of clothes are there?

Women: clean & dirty

Men: Clean, almost clean, sorta clean, not bad, dirty, really dirty, nasty, bio-hazard.

Long Tongue

There was once a guy whose tongue was so long that when he stuck it out for the doctor, the nurse went, "Aaaaaahhh!!!"

Veggie Squabble

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered a beef?

Looking for Love

An woman walks into a drug store and asks the man behind the counter if they sell extra large condoms. The clerk looks at the woman quizzically, but shrugs and tells her "Yes, we do. They're right here behind the counter." The woman thanks the clerk and sits down in a nearby chair. The clerk asks the woman, "Is there something else I can help you with, Ma'am?" The woman winks and smiles at the clerk and says "No, thank you. I'm just waiting here to see who buys them".