Profession Jokes - Teacher Jokes
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Dead Silence. The rest of the year went smoothly.
Little Johnny Learns Definitely
A teacher was teaching her students the meaning of the word 'definitely.' So she thought if they each got up and used it in a sentence, they would understand it better. So one student gets up and says,"The sky is definitely blue." The teacher says, "That's not always true because clouds can make it look gray." Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says,"But it can look yellow if you don't water it." Then Little Johnny asks the teacher," Are there lumps in farts?" The teacher replies, "Excuse me?" Little Johnny repeats, "Are there lumps in farts?" Then the teacher says,"That isn't even a response to my question, but no there are no lumps in farts." Then he replies, "Then I definitely just sh*t my pants!"
Too Much Noise
A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them, she said, ''I can hear voices!''
Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, ''Jeez, she better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!''
Thoughts From a Teacher
Thoughts from a school teacher:
1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away and you have his shoes.
2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
6. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
8. I have found at my age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
9. I was thinking about how people read the Bible a whole lot more when they get older. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals.
10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of emergency. I think you should put "A very good doctor."
Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: One says, "Spit your gum out" and the other one says, "Choo Choo Choo"