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The best jokes and joke writers!

We're Rangers!

True story: A friend's mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer approached her car, she asked innocently, "Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the policemen's ball?"  To that, he replied, "No ma'am. We're Rangers! We don't have any balls!" He continued to write down some information.  After about a half a minute, the ranger looked up, turned red, and muttered, "Never mind." He closed his ticket book, got in his car, and drove off - no ticket was issued.

Lost Far From Home

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park... and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris," said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost... I was just too tired to walk home."

Shots Fired

Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene.  After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor,  they called their sergeant for advice on his cell phone. 
  
 "Hello Sarge.”      "Yes.” 

 "It looks like we have a homicide here. “

 "What happened?”

 "A woman shot her husband for walking on the wet floor she had just mopped.” 

 "Have you placed her under arrest?”

 "No sir.  The floor is still wet."

Wrong Way

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over.

"Didn't you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.

"An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see the Indians!"

Police Food Groups

The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers

  1. Glazed
  2. Jelly
  3. Powdered
  4. Chocolate Frosted