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The best jokes and joke writers!

A Bar Name

A guy walks into a store and says to the manager "Why doesn't your store have a name?" the store manager says, "I haven't thought of one yet but I think you can help me, what's your girlfriend's name." The guy says "Jenny" then the store owner says, "What do you like most about Jenny?" and the guy says "her legs." So the store manager says "okay, that's what we'll call my store, Jenny's Legs. Here's a coupon come back tomorrow morning and you can have a free drink." And the man says "okay." The next day the man comes back to the store banging on the window yelling "Where's my free drink, where's my free drink!" Then a police officer comes up to him and says, "What are you doing?" and the guy says "I'm waiting for Jenny's Legs to open up."

Philly Cops

Two men are driving through Philadelphia when they get pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?" The cop answers, "You're in Philadelphia son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick. The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says, "Just making your wish come true." The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say to your buddy, "I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"

Problem with a dog

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.

Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

DiCaprio ID

A black man finds Leonardo DiCaprio's wallet on the ground. Some days later he's stopped by the police while driving erratically on the interstate. They asked him for his ID and he hands them the one he found. The officer looks at the ID and back to the man. He reads aloud, "First Name: Leonardo, last name: DiCaprio." He looks at the driver, a bit perplexed. "Hair: blonde, eyes: blue." Looks at him again. Then the cop called his partner and asked, "Hey Bob, did the Titanic sink or burn?"

Break-In

A man sees someone breaking into his shed. He calls police. They say they don't have anyone available right now. They'll be there as soon as they can, but it may be two hours. The man hangs up.

A few minutes later he calls again and tells them to take their time. He's pulled out his rifle and shot the man. He's not going anywhere. Within minutes the place is swarming with police, helicopters, cars, dogs, etc. They find the man breaking into the shed and arrest him.

The police go to the man, "I thought you said you shot him!" The man responds "I thought you said you had no one available."