We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

New Gym Membership

I called my bank about a suspicious payment for a gym membership.  Turns out it was just my Wells Fargo banker looking out for me.

Old Never Dies

Old academics never die, they just lose their faculties.

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance

Old accounts never die, they are deleted

Old actors never die, they just drop a part

Old alcholics/drug users never die, they just get wasted

Old anthropologists never die, they just become history

Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver

Old architects never die, they just lose their structure

Old assets never die, they just depreciate

Old astronauts never die, they just go to another world

Old atoms never die, they just decay

Old bankers never die, they just lose interest

Old bankers never die, they just want to be a loan

Old baseball players never die, they just go batty

Old baseball players never die, they just run their last lap

Young

At an interview I was told I was too immature to be a bank manager. How rude. And they didn't even speak to either of my sock puppets.

Former Banker

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Mr Greenburg's Signature

Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature consisted of two X's. He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show)... you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by. "So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxious. Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing," he said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2." Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble," he said, "but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class rich guy, I should have a middle name!"