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The best jokes and joke writers!

Answering Machine - Flying Saucer

Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.

Answering Machine - Busy

All our answering machines are busy. Please hold. (Pause.) All our answering machines are... (CLICK) This is the answering machine of...

Alien Answering Machine

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.

Answering Machine - Chekov's Voice

(Chekov's voice:) Oh Keptin! It was Khan! He made us do things... Say things we did not vant to say... But we vere strong, Keptin! Ve held out until ve heard the beep... 

Old Never Dies 12

OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class

OLD TELEPHONES never die, they just stop ringing

OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state -- of maximum entropy

OLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get punctured

OLD TRASH never dies, they just bury it

OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities

OLD TROMBONISTS never die - they just slide away...

OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt

OLD TV SHOWS never die, they just get rerun on Nickelodeon

OLD TV SOAP STARS never die, they become pathetic

OLD GOAL UMPIRES never die, they just get flagged down -- umpires as in Australian Rules Football

OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive

OLD VACATIONERS never die, they just don't come back

OLD VIOLINISTS never die - they just become unstrung.

OLD VOICEMAIL SYSTEMS never die, they just stop answering