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The best jokes and joke writers!

Answering Machine - After Life

Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System. If you are trying to reach Heaven, please press 1. For Valhalla, press 2. For Hades, press 3. If you are trying to reach Nirvana, you're going about it all wrong, so we certainly can't help you. If you'd just like to leave a message for Sean, wait for the beep. 

AB Answering Machine

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

Answering Machine - Cheers TV

Cheers TV show theme song, "Where Everybody Knows your Name": Sometimes you make a call, Where you gotta leave your name, 'Cuz I can't come to the phone, You gotta leave a message here, right after the tone. You made a call, Where you gotta leave your name. 

Answering Machine - Beep Software

Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... 

Answering Machine - Star Trek

(Star Trek theme in the background:) (Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier. (Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. (Voice 3:) To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.