Yo Mama - Remote
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she took her remote control to the movies.
Bad Date Rescue
Ken sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Ken says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. But just in case you need to escape, there's a 'Bad Date Rescue App' you can install on your smartphone. Schedule your phone to ring just after you meet her and answer with, 'Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?" It works every time.
So that night, Mike knocks on the girl's door and when she comes out he is awestruck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl's phone rings and she answers with, "Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?"
Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning...
'Windows frozen; won't open'
Husband texts back, 'Pour warm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer'
Five minutes later wife texts back, 'Computer really messed up now.'
Friday Pick-Up Lines - Phone Trouble
There's something wrong with my phone.
It doesn't have your number in it...
Q: Why does a blonde have curtains on her PC?
A: To open windows