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The best jokes and joke writers!

Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went there in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.

I thought, "Nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $465,000 vehicle.

A Greyhound bus.

Go to Las Vegas

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.'' He ignores the voice. Later in the day, he hears the voice again. ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.'' Again, he ignores the voice. Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day. ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and move to Las Vegas.'' He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, ''Go to Caesar's Palace.'' He goes to Caesar's Palace and the voice says, ''Make your way to the roulette tables.'' He goes to the roulette tables and the voice says, ''Put all your money on red 23.'' He puts all his money on red 23. The dealer spins the wheel. It comes up black 17.
The voice says, ''Fuck.''

Vegas Sapp

Q: Why did Warren Sapp pay more than $600 to a couple of Vegas hookers for a blow job?

A: Because sapsuckers are a rare and endangered species.

Nevada Crazy Law

  • It's still "legal" to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
  • It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
  • Clark County - An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department.
  • In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station.
  • Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time.
  • Elko - Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.
  • Eureka - Men who wear mustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
  • Nyala - A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day. 

Marriage Trip

Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.