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The best jokes and joke writers!

Guys Watching Super Bowl

Q: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl?

A: The Chicago Bears

Da Bears

Q: Why is Chicago called the Windy City?

A: Because the Bears blow!

Illinois Jokes

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Dumb Illinois Laws

  • You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
  • You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
  • You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
  • The English language is not to be spoken.
  • Chicago Law, forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
  • It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
  • Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
  • Spitting is forbidden
  • In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
  • It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.
  • It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
  • Champaign - One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
  • Cicero - Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
  • Crete - Cars may not be driven through the town.
  • Des Plaines - Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
  • Eureka - A man with a mustache may not kiss a woman.
  • Evanston - Bowling is forbidden.
  • It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
  • It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
  • Fairfield - It is unlawful for "negroes" to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
  • Freeport - It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
  • Galesburg - There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
  • Homer - It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
  • Joliet - Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
  • Kenilworth - A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.
  • Kirkland - Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
  • Moline - Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.
  • There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
  • Morton Grove - You may not own a handgun
  • Normal - It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
  • Orland Park - No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
  • Ottawa - Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
  • Park Ridge - Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
  • Peoria - Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
  • Zion - It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.