U.S. State Jokes - California Jokes
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five - one to screw it in and four to sit in the hot tub and discuss the environmental impact.
Blatant Racial Discrimination
In a kindergarten in California, a teacher asks three children what they do after recess. The teacher asks Sally what she did at recess. Sally said she played in the sandbox. The teacher says "If you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I'll give you a cookie." Sally spells sand and gets her cookie. The teacher then asks Tim what he did during recess. He said he played in the sandbox with Sally. The teacher says "If you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I'll give you a cookie." He spells box and gets his cookie. The teacher then asks Mohammad what he did at recess. He said he tried to play with Sally and Tim in the sandbox, but they threw stones at him. The teacher says, "That sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me. Okay, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' on the blackboard I'll give you a cookie."
Call from Hell
Three guys die and go to hell. One is from Texas, one from Florida and one from California. The devil tells them that they each get one phone call back to earth but it may be very expensive. The Texan calls his pastor in Dallas and speaks with him for 15 minutes. The devil tells him it will cost three million dollars. The Texan promptly writes the devil a check and 'poof' he's back in Texas. The guy from Florida takes the phone and calls his Minister, speaks for 30 minutes and the devil tells him the cost is six million dollars. The Floridian quickly writes the devil a check and 'poof' he is back in Florida. Finally, the guy from California gets his turn with the phone and calls a social worker. He talks for nearly 4 hours and when finished the devil says it will cost him just four dollars. The guy from California smirks at the great deal he got but can't help asking why. The devil said that Governor Newsom's liberal policies made California a living hell, so the call was local.
We Got a Lot of Those
Three cowboys, a Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian, were sitting around a campfire smoking, drinking and having a good time. The Texan takes a full bottle of the finest tequila, throws it up in the air and shoots it to pieces. The Californian and Oregonian are clearly dismayed at that show, and ask "Now what'd you go and do THAT for?" The Texan just drawled "Where I come from, we got a lot of those."
Not to be outdone, the Californian reaches in his saddle bag and pulls out a full bottle of the best Californian wine there is. He throws the bottle in the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it to pieces. The Oregonian and the Texan both groan, but the Californian is quick to point out, "Where I come from, we've got a lot of those."
Next the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of the best microbrew beer that Portland makes. He throws the bottle high up in the air, takes out his gun, shoots the Californian, catches the bottle, and proceeds to drink the beer. Horrified, the Texan asks why he would go and do a thing like that. "Well, where I come from, we got a lot of those, but the bottle's worth a nickel."
Deer Hunters in L.A.
Q: Where in L.A. can a deer hunter find does in season year round?
A: Venison Beach