One day three blondes were walking down the beach when they saw that something had washed up on the beach. The first blonde shouts, "Look it's a dinosaur!" The second blonde says, "No stupid. It's the Titanic. Duh." The third blonde chuckles. "You're both dumb. It's obviously a genie in a bottle." So she proceeds to pick up the bottle and rub it. Sure enough! A genie pops out! The genie stretched and looks around to find the three blondes. "Normally," the genie said, "I would grant three wishes, but since there are three of you, you each get one wish." The first blonde steps forward. "Okay, I don't like being a dumb blonde so I want to be 50% smarter." The genie bobs his head and says, "Done." He turns her into a brunette. The second blonde says, "I don't like being a dumb blonde either so I want to be 100% smarter!" The genie turns her into a redhead. The last blonde ponders her wish for a moment and finally says, "I LIKE being a dumb blonde. I want to be 100% dumber." The genie turns her into a man.
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
Problem Or Challenge
Q: A teacher asks, "What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?"
A: A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."
New Priest Gets Drunk
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip. So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
- Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
- There are 10 commandments, not 12.
- There are 12 disciples, not 10.
- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
- We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
- The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
- David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
- When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
- We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
- When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
- The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
- The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
- Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remained quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and said, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"