25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary...
It means 75% are running around untreated.
The Fowl-Mouthed Parrot!
A woman was walking down the street past a pet shop, and when she looked in the window there was a gorgeous parrot for sale with a sign that said "$50.00". She had always wanted a parrot, but had found them to be too expensive, so she rushed in and asked the proprietor, "Why is this parrot so cheap?" "Well," he replied, "You see, that parrot was in a brothel for awhile, and learned some bad language, so nobody seems to want it." How bad could it be?, the woman thought. Finally, she decided to buy it anyway, as it was such a beautiful bird. She took it home in a cage and put it on the table. The parrot looked around and said "Awk! New House, New Madam!" "Well," the woman thought, "That's not so bad." Then the woman's two daughters came home from school. "Awk!", the parrot said, "New Madam, New Whores!" Well, that upset them a bit, but they tried to laugh it off, and decided that wasn't so bad either. Then the woman's husband came home from work."Awk!" The parrot said, "New Madam, New Whores, Same old faces! Hi George!"
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Michigan." And they say blondes are dumb...
Making Love in the Dark
Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his hand. "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids."
Little Johnny is Fascinated
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"
Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him. Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons." The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word 'fascinate' in your sentence." Little Johnny continued, "But her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight!"