Finding perfect men
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, "I can't wear your pants." "That's right," said the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family." The bride took off her panties and asked her new husband to try them on. "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said. "That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your attitude."
In The Beginning
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
The Barracks Door Was Left Open
Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, "Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open." He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was open. So, he decided to have a little fun with his secretary and called her back into his office. "By the way Miss Smith," he said, "When you noticed my barracks door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention ?" "Why no sir," she replied, "All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
A dentist starts talking to a girl at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says, "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replies. "You keep washing your hands." One thing leads to another and they make love. After it's over the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist." The guy, now with an inflated ego, says, "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies...."I didn't feel a thing."