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The best jokes and joke writers!

Mysterious picture

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is that your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery."

Because I'm That Good

A hooker brings a client to her condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs. "You see this condo? I bought it by giving good hand jobs." Her client tells her to give him a hand job. Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good blow jobs. "Look out the window. See that red Ferrari on the street? I bought it by giving good blow jobs." Her client asks her to give him a blow job. Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed. "Look out the window. See that big yacht out there on Lake Michigan? I could own that if only I had a vagina."

Golf With Benefits

A man asks an attractive woman on the golf course if she'd like to play a round with him. She wins by four strokes. Sensing the guy's embarrassment, the woman offers to take him to the parking lot and give him head in her car to make him feel better. For the rest of the week, they play together every morning. The woman wins by four or five strokes each time and then goes down on him in the parking lot. On Friday, he invites her to his house for a romantic dinner. That evening, they have a lovely meal and move to the couch to fool around. The woman pulls away and says, "That's it -- stop, wait -- I must confess something to you. I'm a transvestite. I'm really a man!" "You son of a bitch!" the guy exclaims. "You've been hitting off the women's tee all week!"

Fair Price

A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an "escort" service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that's for a hand job."

"$500 for a hand job? Why, that's outrageous!" the man exclaimed. "No hand job in the world could be worth $500!"

The hooker summons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below. "See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I can do with my hands."

Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 and sure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexual experience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, "God that was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?"

"$2500," the hooker replied.

"$2500 for a blowjob?" Cried the astonished man. "That's way too much!"

Again the hooker summons the man to the window, this time pointing across the street. "Do you see that large medical building right off the strip there? I own that because of what I can do with my mouth."

"Oh no," moans the man, "this is gonna break me, but I just have to try it." Once again the hooker takes him to the edge of the universe and back, far surpassing the pleasure he received earlier, leaving him utterly drained and totally gratified. As soon as the man can speak again, he says, "I just have to know. How much do you get for pussy?"

The hooker drags the man to the window for a third time, points and proclaims, "Do you see the MGM Grand Hotel sitting there on the corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!"

Wake Up Call

A guy wakes up to a woman next to him in bed and she was already awake. She says to him, "I have a confession to make, I was once a Christian."

The guy, still half-asleep says, "Oh that's okay babe, I've never really been one to care."

"Oh good," she replies, "I much prefer being a Christine anyways."