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The best jokes and joke writers!

Putin Barrel

A man joins the Russian Navy and is immediately deployed to a ship in the Black Sea. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the Russian sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain.
He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a old Vodka barrel with a hole in it. "This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy."
The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns. "Damn! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!" "Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday." "Why not Thursday?" "That's your day in the barrel."

Clearing a Men's Room

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's rest room?

A: Say, "Nice dick."

Coming Out

A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?" "Well...yes." Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?" Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

#1 Gay Bar Pickup Line

Q: What's the #1 pick up line in a gay bar?

A: Can I push your stool in?

Ritz Lesbian

What's the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian? One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!