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The best jokes and joke writers!

How Do Jewish People Celebrate Christmas?

Q: How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?

A: They all gather around their cash registers and sing, "What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."

Short Guide To Religions

  • Taoism: Shit happens.
  • Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
  • Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
  • Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough!
  • Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?!?
  • Hinduism: This shit happened before.
  • Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
  • Har Krisna: Shit happens, Rama Rama!
  • T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit!!
  • Atheism: No shit.
  • Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.
  • Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happenin'.
  • Christian Science: Shit Happens in your mind.
  • Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
  • Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
  • Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.
  • Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

Gas Bill

Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?

A: The Jews sent him the gas bill.

All Jews and Six Mexicans

This freelance journalist discovered Adolf Hitler was alive and well and living in South America. He managed to wrangle a 'once-in-a-lifetime'’ interview with Hitler on the condition that he was not to reveal where Hitler was living. He went to this interview, and lo and behold, yes, it was Adolf Hitler, looking very old. He interviewed him, asking him all sorts of questions, and as a final question, asked "What are you doing now, in the twilight of your life?" Hitler replied "Hah! Twilight of my life! I'll have you know that I am secretly putting together the 4th Reich, right here in South America! This time we'll do it right. We have a foolproof plan - this time we will kill EVERY JEW in the world - and 6 MEXICANS!!!".The journalist asked "...but...but....but why 6 MEXICANS??"Hitler jumped to his feet and yelled "SEE, I TOLD THEM THAT NO-ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE JEWS!"

Circumcised Men

Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?

A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off.