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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Mohel

 

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needed a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, "Madam, I don't repair clocks. I am a Mohel. I do circumcisions." She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?" And he says, "And what should I have in my window?"

Why David Killed Goliath

Q: Do you know why David killed Goliath and then decapitated him?

A: He wanted to get a-head!

Praying at the Wailing Wall.

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for? "The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth. "The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."

Mothers

Q: What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?

A: An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill you." A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself."

Rabbi and a Priest

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying across the ocean when the plane developed engine trouble. Everyone was doomed. The priest turned to the rabbi and said, "Before I die there's something that I would like to know. You being Jewish and all -- have you ever tasted ham?" "Well," the rabbi laughed, "Sure I've tasted ham. But tell me father, before we die -- could you tell me if you have ever made love to a woman?" The priest blushed and said, "There was this one time I gave in and made love to a woman." The rabbi looked at the priest and said, "Beats the hell out of ham, don't it?"