Three Wise Men
The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside. On the way in, one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway. "Jesus Christ!" he says. Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a hell of a lot better than Clyde!"
A Rabbi and a Priest on a Train
A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"
The Priest says, "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."
"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.
"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an ArchBishop," said the Priest a bit cautiously.
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal"
"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.
Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I suppose that I could be elected Pope, but..."
So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that? Is there any way to go up from being the Pope?"
"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"
The Rabbi leaned back and said, "One of our boys made it."
Let Ryan Do It
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait'". Kevin turned to his younger brother & said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Jesus Calling for Peter
It's the day of Jesus' crucifixion, and Peter is consoling Mary at the bottom of the hill in Golgotha. Suddenly, Peter hears Jesus calling to him, summoning him up the hill. Frantically, Peter sets off to make his way to his Savior. Unwillingly, he is stopped by two guards. Again, Jesus calls to Peter, and again, Peter attempts to answer, but the guards bring him to a hault. Peter weeps in remorse. One last time, Jesus moans for Peter's appearance. Determined not to fail his Grace, Peter shoves past the standing guards and triumphantly stands at the bleeding feet of his King. "My Lord, anything for you. What is it, my King?" "Peter," Jesus painstakingly replies. "Yes, what is it you must tell me?" Peter anxiously asks. "Peter, I, I, I can see your house from up here."
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked... "doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?" "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"