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The best jokes and joke writers!

Biblical One-liners

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun.

WWJD

I found a wallet the other day. Being the Christian that I am, I said to myself: "What would Jesus do?"

So, I turned it into wine.

Historical Example

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it." After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the father said "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut." The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." The rabbi said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.

I'm John The Baptist

A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed. He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!" The other guy looks at him and declares, "I did not!"

Jesus' Disciples Said

And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say that I am?" And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, thou art the supreme manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch." And Jesus said, "What?"