Q: If Jesus were on the earth in the flesh today, what kind of car would he drive?
Quick Witted Christian
A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because, I'm not an atheist." Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a Christian." The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian. "Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" Lucy paused, smiled and said, "Then, I'd be an atheist!"
Q: Why did Jesus have such nice abs?
A: He did CrossFit.
(This joke requires the use a small visual. I'll describe the visual first, then as I tell the joke I'll cue you when to use it)
Visual: Stretch your arms straight out sideways with hands also stretched wide open.Joke: Why did the blonde want to date Jesus? She heard he was (use visual) HUNG LIKE THIS!!!!
Jesus To Jerusalem
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."