Q: Why did the black man convert to Catholicism?
A: So he could finally have a father.
Black and Jewish
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
First Black Man
Q: What did God say when he made the first black man?
A: "Damn, I burnt one."
Welcome to Hell
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.
Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.
Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure I love to drink.
Devil: We'll you're gonna love Mondays, then. We call it Tequila Monday and that's all we do. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay...you're already dead!
Guy: No way!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. We've even opened up a Pai Gow poker table.
Guy: Hmmm, I've never played pai gow before ...
Devil: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, I love drugs! You don't mean ...
Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of your head. You can do all the drugs you want. If you overdose? It's okay! You're already dead!!
Guy: Yes! I never realized that hell was such a swinging place!!
Devil: So... are you gay?
Guy: Uh, no.
Devil: Ooooh (grimaces), you're gonna HATE Fridays!
Lying in the hospital bed, the dying man began to flail about and make motions as if he would like to speak. The priest, keeping watch at the side of his bed leaned quietly over and asked, "Do you have something you would like to say?" The man nodded to the affirmative, and the preist handed him a pad And pen. "I know you can't speak, but use this to write a note and I will give it to your wife. She's waiting just outside." Gathering his last bit of strength, the man took them and scrawled his message upon the pad which he stuffed into the priest's hands. Then, moments later, the man died. After administering the last rites, the priest left to break the sad news to the wife. After consoling her a bit, the priest handed her the note. "Here were his last words. Just before passing on, he wrote this message to you." The wife tearfully opened the note which read :"GET OFF MY FUCKING OXYGEN HOSE!!"